Darren and I have always thought we would have children. As time went by, we would talk about it, but it wasn't something we felt like we had to do at that moment...we figured God would let us know when it was time to start our family. We thought that time had come last April when I found out I was pregnant. We had not been trying to conceive, but we weren't doing anything to hinder it either.
I cannot begin to tell you what happened in me when I found out I was pregnant. Nothing else mattered anymore. I was going to be a mom and I loved that baby so much, even if it was only a few weeks old! I felt as if I would burst with excitement. Unfortunately, 8 weeks in to the pregnancy I had a miscarriage. It was one of the hardest, disappointing events I have ever had to go through. It took me a while to process through the grief, and by January of this year, Darren and I had made an appointment with Carolina Conceptions to talk about fertility treatments and what we may be candidates for. Dr Park was extremely encouraging on our first visit. He told us the fact that we were able to get pregnant on our own was very encouraging. They ran a blood test on me and a test on Darren and we were scheduled to come back the next week.
The news when we returned was not good. When we left, I was sad, but relieved. At least I had closure and knew why I had a miscarriage. It took me a couple of days to get my thoughts in order, and we both decided that now was the time to pursue adopting. Darren had always wanted to adopt internationally...I wasn't so sure. We talked with and researched agencies and found one that we were particularly interested in. But things for me just weren't jiving. I wasn't at peace with any decision we were making, and I was really have a hard time understanding why I wasn't ok with what seemed like a great agency. I prayed and cried and prayed and cried until I was just about to make myself sick. This was a huge decision and I was not at peace with it. I felt as if there was a missing piece and I was the only one who could find it. Darren was sitting on go and I was the holdup.
One day Darren and I were sitting on the front porch talking about adopting internationally and I shared with him my feelings. I knew he was all for it, but I had to know this was God's plan. I did not want to agree with him just for the sake of agreeing. I needed to know God was leading us both in this direction. I told him I just wish God would tell me what to do. My next action brought me what I needed. I was holding in my hand a devotion that I had been reading almost everyday by TD Jakes. As soon as I got those words out of my mouth, I opened up the devotion and the title of the devotion was "God's Baby Girl". As I read with tears in my eyes, I knew God had prepared this devotion for me for that day at that very moment in time. To me, that was a miracle. The devotion...taken from Ezekial 16... talked about how God found an abandoned baby girl and took her in and loved her, washed her, feed her and called her His own. He was alluding to Jerusalem, but for me that day, He was showing me that this was what He wanted me to do. In case you did not know, children in China are abandoned in fields, beside the side of a road, in busy cities, anywhere. And most of them are girls. Someone asked me recently, "Why not adopt here in the US? There are kids that need loving homes here as well." I agree...there are children here in the US that need a loving home. But any child here in the US that ages out of the foster care system or an orphanage has a good chance of a good life. In China when children age out, there is not much hope for them. And for reasons spiritually apparent to us, God has made it quite clear that He has chosen this path for us. I am humbled and extremely thankful that He would chose to use us in this manner. As for an agency, we decided to go with Chinese Children Adoption International based out of Colorado. After spending time with Anthony and Amy Beasley (they have adopted 2 precious boys from China and used CCAI both times), we knew without a doubt this was the agency for us. It was started in 1994 by a missionary and his wife, an attorney that specializes in Chinese law. CCAI has placed over 8,000 children from China in homes. That was the piece of the puzzle I was looking for! I
Our next step is our home study July 9th and getting our first phase of paperwork ready for CCAI.
Many of you have asked when will we get our baby. Once our dossier is logged in with China (this is the paperwork that takes about 7 months to complete!), we could be looking at a couple of months to a year to be matched with our child. We will keep this blog updated as we journey toward that mark.
Thank you for your interest in our lives...your prayers and words of encouragement mean so much. May God bless you and it is my sincere hope and prayer that if you are called to adopt, our process will make your journey a little less intimidating.