Saturday, April 21, 2012
Truth Is...
I'm not as good at this mothering thing as I thought I would be. In fact, there are days when I apologize to Sophia for being such a crummy mom. Like yesterday. Rough, tough, hard day yesterday. Among the worst of the worse occurances yesterday was Sophie pulling off her diaper. Twice. The last time she did it she had , um, let's just say, she had done her 'business'. As soon as she pulled it off, she sat on the steps. The carpeted steps. Mommy flipped out. Before you say your should've's to me, don't, because I've already been down the 'should've, oughtta done that' path. Trust me. I've got a lot of bruises from the beating up I've done to myself. After her bath last night, I told her I was trying my best. I've never had a daughter before, and I'm learning as I go. She looked at me with those big brown eyes as if to say, 'I've never been a daughter before...I'm learning as I go, too.' There we we were, the orphan and the barren woman that was but was no more. The two of us coming to truth. Right there on the bathroom floor.
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Margy I could have written this post and I have been a mom 4 times now. This is HARD!!!! Really Hard. We just need to praise God for Grace and a fresh start every morning. I said the same things to Kate as she was sleeping in my arms last night. I have also said the same thing to my 15 year old after needlessly chewing him out. Know you are not alone! I know you are doing a great job! You cannot miss when you are doing it prayerfully!!!
ReplyDeleteTotally agree with Kelly... I have these moments as well and can't believe sometimes how I could treat one of God's blessings so shamefully. Many a night, after they have gone to sleep, I have gone in to cuddle them and tell them how much I love them and they mean the world to me. And every day I pray with my kids that I will have patience and they will have obedience. :)
ReplyDeleteThankfully, His grace covers all my mistakes and He even gives me another day to love on my little treasures and try, try again.
You definitely are NOT alone. I know the love you have for your daughter and it is precious. I wish I could tell you it got easier to be a mom, but from my experience and what I've seen and what Kelly shared, it will always challenge us. But God will use our challenges to grow us. If you haven't read Sacred Parenting (Gary Thomas), I highly recommend it. It is like no other parenting book I have read.
Sending hugs and love to you!!
Michele
thankyou for that honest post! Having had plenty of those 'Truth' Bathroom floor confessions too. (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteMargy, I could not agree more with your post! I have never been more stretched in my faith than I have with Sophia's adoption. It isn't anything like I thought it would be. And in a lot of ways that's really great...in other ways not so much. There are times that I cannot believe the depth of my sinfulness. Those are the times that I am so thankful for my savior. You are a great mama!!! It shows!!
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