Wednesday, October 20, 2010

cold feet and a warm heart

So this week we started taking the Hague accredited classes to prepare us to be adoptive parents. I was so excited about starting the classes...but last night I really started to question my ability to be an adoptive parent. I have had serious concerns about being a mom from the get-go. When I was pregnant last year I would wonder if I could do this mom thing. I question that even more now. There is a different set of challenges that come with raising an adopted child...things I never thought of. Last night after we were halfway through our second class (which was on grief and loss) I told Darren, "I've got cold feet." As soon as I got that out of my mouth, though, I followed it up with, "but I've got a warm heart." I think most new moms question their abilities to be great mothers...please tell me that's true! And no one gets it right all the time, I'm sure. I just want our little girl to know that her being abandoned was indeed a horrible event... but God took it and made it into something beautiful when He saw fit to bring us together. Only He can take something so awful and turn it into something for His glory. I pray she will know as soon as we meet that we are her mommy and baba and we will love her through the good times and the bad. We will learn together what it means to be a conspicuous family of three (another class we took). And when the questions come up about her birth, we will be as honest as we can be with the information we will have, trusting that Jesus will heal the hurts that can come from abandonment. I know He will do that...He's just that kind of Abba Father. I think my feet are warming up now...

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